Bag pipes - a true story - erum - why not eh?

This is a true story!

As a bagpiper from Leeds, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man,here in the Vienne.
He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the French countryside.

As I was not familiar with the local backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. 
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.

I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I've never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in Septic Tanks for twenty
years."!

Um - is that what they meant?

Clever idea

This Barter website is a fine way of getting a job done without the complications of taxes and all that stuff

http://www.lestrocheures.fr/

Thanks Martin Bez for this

Space Oddity - has to be shared!

Space Oddity recorded on board the International Space Station!

Sorry - nothing at all to do with France but everything to do with wonder - a revised version of David Bowie's Space Oddity, recorded by Canadian astronaut Commander Chris Hadfield.

3 Cheers for Chris!

No reason for this at all - except it is wonderful!

 Shot in 1927 in colour - a lost London with lots of hats, horses and grime

Bottled water

Interesting thought from Phil

Bottled water is a con.

Never forget

 Evian is Naive spelled backwards.

Roger again - sorry about that - but not really sorry

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asks..... "What does that mean?" He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot. She smiled happily and said.. "Oh, that's so lovely.. What about I, J, K?" He said, "I'm Just Kidding!" The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

Oh dear - but I just have to share this one from Roger

1.Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.  The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk? 

The question was worth 70 points or none at all,

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of
seven advantages.

However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck.  Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and they are high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A.

Thanks Roger

Just - aaaaah

Now controlled in the UK - were we asked?

The old ones are still the best!

Aaah

Does this make any sense at all except in the US?

Tojo, the monkey who dropped in for a drink gets a statue in Ireland

Statue for Tojo, the monkey who dropped in for a drink

By Sharon Ferguson BBC News

.

A statue of Tojo the monkey  unveiled on Sunday

A flying monkey with a taste for rum is to have a permanent memorial in an Irish town.

Tojo dropped in to the County Cork seaside town of Clonakilty during the Second World War when a US bomber had to land nearby.

On board with Tojo were 10 crewmen and a supply of rum.

The plane, christened T'Ain't a Bird, landed on 7 April 1943 after running low on fuel after a misleading radio report threw them off course.

Local businessman Thomas Tupper has grown up with the story of Tojo and how he came to be in Clonakilty.

"An American Flying Fortress on its way to Britain from the southern states of America crossed the Atlantic from south America and on their way they picked up a monkey as a mascot," he said.

"They actually circled the town here in Clonakilty at midday when everyone was having their dinner and this enormous plane, it must have seemed like a space ship, was flying low around the town.

"People were terrified it might knock the spire off one of the churches. It headed out towards the sea and landed on a marsh."

The airmen who initially thought they had landed in German-occupied Norway were armed and preparing to take the cyanide tablets in their possession until they were reassured that they were on friendly soil.

A crowd gathered as they were taken into custody by local police.

"The custody consisted of them being in a local hotel where a party ensued for three days," he said.

Irish welcome

The visitors provided some welcome relief and excitement to the war-rationed residents of Clonakilty.

During their stay, the US airmen were able to reciprocate the warm Irish welcome they had received by sharing their 36 bottles of rum with their hosts and Tojo.

After several days, the crew were taken to Cork before they were driven from the neutral Irish Republic into Northern Ireland where they were handed over to the RAF.

But one very important primate was missing when the the airmen left the west Cork town.

Tojo had taken too much of a liking to the rum and other beverages.

"The efforts of local doctors, chemists, and vets failed to save the monkey and Tojo died of pneumonia," said Mr Tupper.

"It was a great tragedy and people lined up and queued to see the dead monkey laid out on a sheet in a bed upstairs in the hotel."

But Tojo had made a lasting impression during his short stay and was given a funeral, with full military honours.

On Sunday, a statue of the unusual visitor who became a local legend will be unveiled in Clonakilty.

The WoW mission to inform - as well as entertain

DID YOU KNOW?


What IS The Main Ingredient of WD-40?
Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40?
No Cheating.....

WD-40 ~ Who knew!

I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup.
I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason).
I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news.
He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do....
probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open.
Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off.
It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I was impressed!

WD-40 who knew?
"Water Displacement #40".
The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts.
WD-40 was created in 1953, by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company.
Its name comes from the project that was to find a 'Water Displacement' Compound.
They were finally successful for a formulation, with their fortieth attempt, thus WD-40.
The 'Convair Company' bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.
Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.
When you read the 'shower door' part, try it.
It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door.
If yours is plastic, it works just as well as on glass.
It's a miracle!
Then try it on your stovetop.
It's now shinier than it's ever been.
You'll be amazed.


WD-40 Uses:
1. Protects silver from tarnishing.
2. Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4. Gives floor that 'just-waxed' sheen without making them slippery.
5. Keeps the flies off of Cows, Horses, and other Farm Critters, as well. (Ya gotta love this one!!!)
6. Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7. Removes lipstick stains.
8. Loosens stubborn zippers.
9. Untangles jewelry chains.
10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12. Keeps ceramic / terracotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13. Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16. Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on both home and vehicles doors.
18. It removes that nasty tar and scuff marks from the kitchen flooring.
It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off.
Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19. Remove those nasty Bug guts that will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly!
20. Gives a children's playground gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21. Lubricates gearshift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers...
22. Rids kids rocking chair and swings of squeaky noises.
23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31. Removes grease splatters from stovetops.
32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35. Removes all traces of duct tape.
36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
37. Florida's favorite use is: 'cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.'
38. The favorite use in the state of New York, it protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose.
Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
40. Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41. It is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray it on the marks and wipe with a clean rag.
42. Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! The lipstick is gone!
43. If you spray it inside a wet distributor cap, it will displace the moisture, allowing the engine to start.

P.S.
As for that Basic, Main Ingredient.......
Well.... it's FISH OIL....

PPS - thanks to Mike Smith - WoW technology correspondent 

Now you have read this - watch the latest animation from Mike - amazing!

And now for something completely different

French Tax guide

French Income Tax 2013
The Connexion's 36 page guide to completing the forms: Now published 
 

The Connexion 2013 helpguide on French income tax is now available for purchase and download here in time for declarations to be made in May.

The guide explains how France’s tax system works, the deadlines and bands for this year, how your income is assessed and taxed and shows how to declare income such as UK pensions, rent, ISAs, shares, savings and interest. There is a visual guide to the French forms showing you clearly where to declare the different sources of income.

The guide is especially written for Britons living in France or those with second or holiday homes here which are rented out.
 

Early bird offer ends
31 March 2013
last few days

The guide will be sold from April 1, 2013 for €9.50 but all orders received before that date benefit from our early-bird offer of €7.50 (plus P&P) so order here now, or call 0800 91 77 56 between 9am – 1pm only.

Alternatively email contact@connexionfrance.com with a telephone number and we will call you. Printed copies will be posted to you on or around April 10, 2013, pre-ordered download copies will be emailed to you on or around April 1, 2013.

Click here for the full range of helpguides that we publish.
 

With kind regards,
The Connexion Team

British Summer - warning

Good luck at your new school Malala